


Ancestry

by Haberdasher



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2019-09-23 23:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17089481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haberdasher/pseuds/Haberdasher
Summary: An ancestry DNA test result goes wrong.





	Ancestry

Even before she opened the envelope and read over the results of her DNA test, Kaya could tell that something was off.

The envelope was too light to contain everything the ads had promised. She had been shown pictures of large maps and detailed read-outs in the examples, but this envelope wasn’t bursting at the seams with all the paperwork that would require; indeed, it was so thin that it barely appeared to have anything inside at all.

Kaya tried to silence the voice inside her that said that it was all just a rip-off, that the test would reveal nothing, that the questions that had for so long plagued her (questions that haunted her ever since she learned of her adoption, questions that popped up on a depressing amount of forms, questions that nosy strangers asked to make conversation all too often) would never be satisfactorily answered.

Maybe it just had a link to the results on their website. Yes, that had to be it. She knew that the results would be accessible online eventually, maybe they had just cut to the chase and digitized it all to save paper. This would still work out in the end. It had to.

Kaya took a deep breath, let it out, and ripped open the envelope.

As she had expected, only a single piece of paper was inside the envelope. But that lone paper didn’t contain a handy Internet link, or any details about Kaya’s ethnic heritage. All it had was… some kind of error message?

Yes, that was it- an error message, probably a form message with her name put in the slots.

_Dear Kaya Everly,_

_We here at Ancestry DNA appreciate you using our service. Unfortunately, we were unable to process the DNA sample that you sent us. We will send another testing kit to your home address for an additional $9.95 to cover shipping and handling. We apologize for the inconvenience, and thank you for choosing Ancestry DNA for your DNA test._

Kaya read over the letter, and then read it again, before a hot burst of rage fell over her. They wanted more money from her, after she had paid them an arm and a leg already, because some lab tech had botched the processing or something? Whatever the issue was, it couldn’t have been on her end- she’d gone through all their asinine little instructions, followed every bit of advice they’d given to the letter, her samples should have been perfect! Like hell they were going to extort more money from her that easily.

The letter had a “Contact Us” number on the bottom; Kaya punched the digits into her home phone, her grip on the earpiece tight as it rang.

“Thank you for choosing Ancestry DNA, my name is Carlos, can you please-”

“What is all this about being unable to process my sample?”

“…before we go any further, sir, I’ll need your full name.” The voice on the other end of the phone sounded flustered, but Kaya was unable to muster up any sympathy.

“First off, don’t you ‘sir’ me, I am a  _woman_. And my name is Kaya Everly. That’s K-A-Y-A, E-V-E-R-L-Y. You got that? Can’t be too many of them in there.”

“Y-yes ma’am- sorry ma’am- okay, I’m pulling your file up now.”

“And? What does it say?”

“It… uh… it says the DNA sample you sent was rejected by the system for… not containing human DNA.”

“…what? What in the world does that mean?”

“It’s exactly what it sounds like, ma’am. The DNA in your sample was found to be not human in origin. Is it possible you had a- a dog, or some other animal, get to your swabs before you used them?”

“What- I-” Kaya closed her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. “No, that’s not possible, I don’t even have any pets! If some animal slobbered over my swabs, it must have happened at your… lab or whatever, because it sure as hell didn’t happen here.”

“I can assure you that is not the case, ma’am, but we can send you another testing kit-”

“Yeah, you better. And for free, I’m not paying for your screw-up here.”

“I-I’m afraid that’s not possible, but-”

“Look, can I get a supervisor?”

As Kaya navigated Ancestry DNA’s various levels of bureaucracy, eventually agreeing to a refund of the entire test after being told by a supervisor that the shipping fee was non-negotiable, she internally started making a list of all the other DNA testing places she’d heard of, hoping that maybe one of them would pull through where Ancestry DNA had failed.

After the second DNA service rejected her samples for having non-human DNA, Kaya got suspicious.

After the third place rejected her samples for the same reason, Kaya realized that there were only two possible explanations for her repeated difficulties.

Either the whole DNA testing industry was setting out to deny answers to her, specifically… or her true heritage was stranger than she ever could have imagined.


End file.
